Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We smell like vodka and hangover
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