Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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