I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
