"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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