So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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