it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Congratulations! We have a period
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