Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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