oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
