Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
