i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
