So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
