how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
