Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
