heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
