Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
