I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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