we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
