I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She's JV to your varsity
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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