I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
