I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
