every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
