Moan for me like Helen Keller
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
