she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
