I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think my fart just growled at me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dick very happy bro
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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