the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
