yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
