My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
