whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
