You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
