I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
