Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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