two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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