We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
