so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
