420 ftw
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
