So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
