I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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