life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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