Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
