A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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