I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
