I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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