I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
