Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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