His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize