That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
