my shit smells like andre
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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