Who wears a wallet chain?!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
