Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
