Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There r osticjed everywhere
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
