forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
