it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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