you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
