Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize