just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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