I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
