I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
