He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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