She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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