Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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