Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
