I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize