At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
