Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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