trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
