Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
