my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
