i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
