I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
