i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
