I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
