Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
