He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
