Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize