I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
