if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
