I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
