so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
