All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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