So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My cat gives me a boner
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
