my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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