Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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