I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
