i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
did you just send me my own nude
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
