Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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