im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
