You're completely useless in the revolution.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
