I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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