I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
