No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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