Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize