im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
