The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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