angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
