I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
