everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
