i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
