He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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