I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
