Yo dont text me then not text me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Enjoy the penises
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
