I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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