so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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