I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
